1. The Rat-Heir


(Adaption of “The Frog-King, or Iron Henry”)

In olden times when wishing still helped one, there lived in NYC a CEO whose daughters were all beautiful, but the youngest was so beautiful that the sun itself, which has seen so much, was astonished whenever it shone in her face. Close by the CEO’s skyscraper lay a great dark alleyway, and under an old awning in the alley was a leaky hydrant over a sewer drain, and when the day was very warm, the CEO’s child went out into the alley and sat down by the side of the cool hydrant, and when she was bored she took out her bedazzled iPhone, and held it aloft and took selfies, for this phone was her favorite plaything.

Now it so happened that on one occasion the heiress’s phone fumbled from the little hand which she was holding it up with, and flopped straight down into the drain. The CEO’s daughter followed it with her eyes, but it vanished, and the water in the drain was deep, so deep that the bottom could not be seen. On this she began to cry, and cried louder and louder, and could not be comforted. And as she thus lamented some one said to her, “What ails thee, beautiful lady? Thou weepest so that even a stone would show pity.” She looked round to the side from whence the voice came, and saw a sewer rat stretching forth its hairy, ugly head from the water of the drain. “Ah! old plague-spreader, is it thou?” said she; “I am weeping for my bedazzled phone, which has fallen into the drain.”

“Be quiet, and do not weep,” answered the rat, “I can help thee, but what wilt thou give me if I bring thy plaything up again?” “Whatever thou wilt have, dear rat,” said she — “My clothes, my pearls and jewels, and even the AMEX Black card which I am carrying.”

The rat answered, “I do not care for thy clothes, thy pearls and jewels, or thy AMEX Black, but if thou wilt take me out of this drain and love me and let me be thy companion and play-fellow, and sit by thee at thy little table, and eat off thy little golden plate, and drink out of thy little cup, and sleep in thy little bed — if thou wilt promise me this I will go down below, and bring thee thy bedazzled phone up again.”

“Oh yes,” said she, “I promise thee all thou wishest, if thou wilt but bring me my cell back again.” She, however, thought, “How the silly rat does talk! He lives in the sewer with the other rats, and squeaks, and can be no companion to any human being!”

But the rat when he had received this promise, put his head into the water and sank down, and in a short while came swimming up again with the cell in his mouth. The CEO’s daughter was delighted to see her pretty plaything once more, and with two fingers picked up the rat holding the cell, placed it on the concrete, then snatched her phone and ran away with it. “Wait, wait,” said the rat. “Take me with thee. I can’t run as thou canst.” But what did it avail him to scream his squeak, squeak, after her, as loudly as he could? She did not listen to it, but ran home and soon forgot the poor rat, who sat there contemplating his fate.

The next day when she had seated herself at table with the CEO and all the board members, and was eating from her little golden plate, something came creeping tip-tap, scratchety scratch, up the marble staircase, and when it had got to the top, it knocked at the door and cried, “Heiress, youngest heiress, open the door for me.” She ran to see who was outside, but when she opened the door, there sat the rat in front of it. Then she slammed the door and, in great haste, sat down to dinner again, and was quite frightened. The CEO saw plainly that her heart was beating violently, and said, “My child, what art thou so afraid of? Is there perchance an auditor outside who wants to carry thee away?” “Ah, no,” replied she. “It is no auditor but a disgusting rat.”

“What does a rat want with thee?” “Ah, dear father, yesterday as I was in the alleyway sitting by the sewer drain, playing, my bedazzled iPhone fell into the water. And because I cried so, the rat brought it out again for me, and because he so insisted, I promised him he should be my companion, but I never thought he would be able to find me here! And now he is outside there, and wants to come in to me.”

In the meantime it knocked a second time, and cried,

“Heiress! youngest heiress!
Open the door for me!
Dost thou not know what thou saidst to me
Yesterday by the cool waters of the hydrant?
Heiress, youngest heiress!
Open the door for me!”

Then said the CEO, “That which thou hast promised must thou perform. Go and let him in.” She went and opened the door, and the rat hopped in and followed her, step by step, to her chair. There he sat and cried, “Lift me up beside thee.” She delayed, until at last the CEO commanded her to do it. When the rat was once on the chair he wanted to be on the table, and when he was on the table he said, “Now, push thy little golden plate nearer to me that we may eat together.” She did this, but it was easy to see that she did not do it willingly. The rat enjoyed what he ate, but almost every mouthful she took choked her. At length he said, “I have eaten and am satisfied; now I am tired, carry me into thy little room and make thy little silken bed ready, and we will both lie down and go to sleep.”

The CEO’s daughter began to cry, for she was afraid of the scuzzy rat which she did not like to touch, and which was now to sleep in her pretty, clean little bed. But the CEO grew angry and said, “He who helped thee when thou wert in trouble ought not afterwards to be despised by thee.” So she took hold of the rat with two fingers, carried him upstairs, and put him in a corner. But when she was in bed he crept to her and said, “I am tired, I want to sleep as well as thou, lift me up or I will tell thy father.” Then she was terribly angry, and took him up and threw him with all her might against the wall. “Now, thou wilt be quiet, odious rat,” said she. But when he fell down he was no rat but another CEO’s son; an heir to a great estate, with beautiful eyes filled with hurt and pain. He was happy that the curse had been lifted, but saddened and angry at her rejection and lack of integrity.

He, by the CEO’s will, then sued the heiress for assault. Then he explained in court how he had been bewitched by a wicked witch to be a rat trapped in the sewer, and how no one could have released him from the drain but the heiress, and that he had hoped for a long life together with her, but was distraught at the assault and rejection. Then the court was adjourned after the heiress pleaded no contest, and next morning when the sun awoke her, a court-ordered parole officer came driving up in a white Pinto, which had a Garfield window clinger upon it, and a bumper sticker reading “COEXIST”, and behind it stood the former rat’s servant Faithful Henry. Faithful Henry had been so unhappy when his employer was changed into a rat, that he had hired a surgeon to place iron bands round his heart, lest it should burst with grief and sadness. The Pinto was to conduct the young heiress into her community service. Faithful Henry helped the heiress into the passenger side, and got into the backseat, and was full of joy because of the deliverance of his employer and for justice having been done. And when they had driven a part of the way the heiress heard a cracking behind her as if something had broken. So she turned round and cried, “Henry, the Pinto is breaking.”

“No, convict, it is not the Pinto. It is a band from my heart, which was put there in my great pain when my employer was a rat and imprisoned in the drain.” Again and once again while they were on their way something cracked, and each time the heiress thought the Pinto was breaking; but it was only the bands which were springing from the heart of Faithful Henry because his employer was set free and received justice for her assault.

MORAL: Keep your promises.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *